i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
