If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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