Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
