i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
