was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
