I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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