i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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