your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
