Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
