his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
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Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
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She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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