i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize