Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize