This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
