Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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