I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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