OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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