FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
