Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
