he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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