the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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