Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
