I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
