Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
