I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
