So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
