She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
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So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
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If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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