I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
