Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
