I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Boobs speak an international language.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
