When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
