Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
