No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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