I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I am never drinking with the goths again.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
