I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
