I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
