so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
