8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
