Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
