where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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