All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
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The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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