He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Don't make out with my wife yet
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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