I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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