Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
