I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
