There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
