my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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