ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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