just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
