Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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