I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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