it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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