Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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