someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
