Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
