ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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