remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
