I wish I could punch you in the face.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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