I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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