Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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