The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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