That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
