He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
