i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I need to calm my uterus...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
