Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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