I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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