im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
